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The Ballad Of Orbital Hubris by Joe Haldeman
They put a colony in space, just to save the human race
And they put it in an orbit high and round ‘[high and round] But the lord’s almighty hand said, “This colony won’t stand!”
And He chuckled as He shoved it to the ground.
[CHORUS] And it was sad, Lord, sad. It was sad.
It was sad when that colony came down. [In Peoria…] Husbands and wives, little children lost their lives.
It was sad when that colony came down.
A professor named O’Neill offered us a crazy deal.
For just two-hundred-billion he could place… [he could place] An Eden made of rock in a perfect Trojan lock
Guaranteed to keep from drifting into space.
He had drawn up careful plans to spend 200 million grand
To build a spinning donut full of men [full of men] But someone forgot to say, “Those engineers have got to pray!”
“Or else Jehovah’s gonna want to do ’em in.”
[CHORUS] Now the Bible says your god is a jealous sort of sod
With a careful sense of His prerogatives. [prerogatives] You put a colony in space without even sayin’ grace
And you really hit Jehovah where he lives.
But they took a million tons of lunar dust and Terra’s sons
And put them in an orbit of Lagrange. [Of Lagrange] (But) said the Lord, “This space is zoned just for vacuum, light, and
“They’re gonna wish that they had stayed home on the range.”
So with a cosmic kind of love, God gave that colony a shove
Into an orbit tailored to decay. [to decay] Sixteen times it spun around, and then it crashed into the ground.
I’m glad I missed Peoria that day!
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